Memoirs of TeenLove

It happens in life when you freely communicate with a quiet and shy girl from small town, people are bound to misjudge that you like her. It also becomes difficult to convince that you don’t have or had any wrong intentions for her. But still, you need to strive over that biased Indian mentality and stand against her feeling of insecurities. Similar kind did start when I and Suman became good friends. She was just a 17-year-old schoolgirl when we first met, living in a hostel nearby. My college fell on her way to school. There was a park adjacent to my college, whose walls were glued to her school. From my classroom, I could see kids playing during their lunchtime. Coincidentally we both were in the same age group. We chatted a lot on the phone, calls for hours and texting almost all day and night. At that time I couldn’t remember doing anything other than chatting and talking to her, her sweet voice was simply intoxicating, a feeling of content. Those were awesome days for me. I wish I could live them again, once more. Now the silly drama began. After a month of our friendship, her roommates in her hostel noticed that she was talking to me a lot. The wicked Indian mentality started running. Then Suman in a call told me,” Please don’t call me or text me on your own. Reply to me only when I text you.” Saying that she laughed,” Actually you know, my roommates steal my phone and read all your messages to me.” I was going to reply, but the next moment I could say anything, she said with a gush,” Ok!! Bye. My roommates have come so I need to go. Talk to you later.” With this entire thing I understood one fact, she was a very shy kind of girl, she wanted to talk to me but in secret, not in presence of anyone, maybe she was afraid of being teased by her friends; funny and sweet little girl she was. Now I was a boy, how can I force myself not to talk to her? So I ignored the request “Reply me only when I text you.” 

See I feel, there is no harm in teasing someone, but there should be a sense of decency. After all, we all are human beings, and we are bound to have feelings for one another, she too had. But I also kept ignoring what she warned me and crossed my limits. Her roommates didn’t take all this casually, they took out a very wrong meaning and made her feel a slut and insecure, talking to me, a boy. Did she reduce replying to me, which I initially didn’t understand why? I felt odd and I started to demand her attention, which leads to various misunderstandings between us, though she was not a girl like that at all. Sometimes it also happened that she text me ‘Sorry to reply late’ when I hardly noticed she was late. She felt replying after 10 minutes, not during a chat, was critically late. One thing I would like to mention here about her, she was and is the only girl in my life who replied to me under any circumstances. Never has it ever happened that my messages to her went unreplied. While chatting I used to think how to end, its already dawn now. She taught me how to wait for someone I truly loved and cared for, though waiting for her was in itself enchanting.  

But she never shared her problems and insecurities with me. With her sweet smile, she always tried to hide the pain she had. She feared I would worry. So it became difficult for me to know what was going on in her mind and her room. Misunderstandings were bound to happen. Once while chatting in the afternoon I text,“ hey u didn’t tell me u wr going bck 2 ur home. Wht hpnd? Is evrythng ok? ”she replied,”ttly m bsy” I didn’t care that because often she said that when she felt lazy and wanted to take a nap. I still attempted to talk to her, a couple of times, but no reply came. I waited and waited. The next day was a bit shocking for me. Now in the ears of Suman’s Mama (Uncle), it reached that she was getting spoilt as she was talking too much with me, a boy. He took necessary action. He asked me to come out with him, and laughed sarcastically,” Ok!! So you are chatting a lot with girls these days, hmm?” Everybody out there stared at me. I felt myself in a site of shock and embarrassment. My mind was desperately wandering with questions to be answered. How on earth did her uncle come to know that I chatted with his niece? Ok Fine, there is no harm in knowing, we were just good friends only. Even he knew that. So what’s wrong? Why is he talking to me like this? He again laughed,” So let us also know, who is the dream girl of our friend.” I was trembling like a tower made of cards, which was likely to fall even by the touch of a slight breeze. My tongue seemed immovable and words unable to come out of my mouth. Without saying a single word I left the place briskly. 

After returning home I thought for a while. Did I do anything wrong? Did Suman feel so insecure that she went and complained about me to her uncle? Though we both resumed our talks, there was a strange tension building in us, as if something was influencing our friendship, as if others hated we two being together. After this, I took certain steps for myself. It might look funny. From too much informal we became a bit formal. Every time before saying anything I asked her “Are you free my dear?” I know in her mind she might have laughed at me asking like this but I didn’t have much choice to make. But there is no end to trouble. Once due to some reasons, she didn’t receive any of my calls. After no reply for over a week, it made me anxious “Now what happened to her. Is my dear Ok?” Feeling distressed about her, one evening, gaining some confidence, I called her. He almost fumed at me,” What do you think of yourself, uh? You have the right to do whatever you want to. You harass that girl so much by sending senseless messages like E=mc2 that she might have kept her cell in silent mode, just to get rid of you.” Such allegations were again shocking to me. I sent her only funny jokes, not such shit. Still, I felt remorseful and guilty for all that had happened to her. It was unbearable for me that she felt so insecure because of me. Feeling sorry for her I text her, that it was probably my last message and a promise that I won’t disturb her ever again. I lost my charm to talk to her again. I don’t know, maybe unknowingly that text touched her sensitive and tender heart. Usually, she never texts me during her school hours but that time she made the exception. Returning home, in the afternoon, the next day, the first thing I saw my phone, bearing a text from Suman. I was astonished and emotional, she wrote sorry so many times, almost every line she wrote bore a ‘Sorry’ and in the end, ‘Sorry for Everything.’ I could do nothing other than console her, and make a smile and make her feel happy after all this. For the next few days I was busy with my studies, hence couldn’t find time for her. She felt something for me in her heart.

Exactly after 2 days, when I had finished my work and was just going to bed, at around 11:45 pm my phone rang up in message alert. I rushed like a gush of wind, took it my hand, and saw. It was from Suman. I grinned, rubbing my thumb on her name. I opened her text. It read “knck knck” Initially I didn’t get what she means to say. So I replied,” wht ws ths my dear?” During those days I simply loved to call her “My dear” not name always. She replied somehow,” pls dnt mind…actuly the thng is m free at ths point of hour…so I wntd 2 chat wd u…pls dnt mind n pls dnt take me wrngly.” A hesitation was visible in her texts. I was seriously astonished of what this young girl was upto, mind-blowing, so sweet of her. Though I was tired working all day, still to respect her request I spent some time with her. She again said ‘sorry’ and also said that she was a psycho, and can go crazy at any moment. Surprises seemed to have caught my tail. The next day before her school hours I saw her standing outside the park, probably waiting for someone. As I entered, she came to me, and forwarded her hand, “Good Morning. How are you dear?” 

At that moment everything seemed enchanting and magical to me. I felt I was daydreaming, my hands holding and feeling hers in mine, walking along a beautiful footpath, green trees on both sides, a strange fragrance of wet ground as if rained a while ago, calmness all around, nobody to disturb, just we two. It was an awesome feeling and wanting to make her mine, forever. I felt like saying to her,” My Dear, I want to find out who you are behind that smile of yours. I want to run my fingers through your hair, and see the blush creep onto your face. I want to be there when you spill your feelings, your thoughts, and opinions.” I kept staring at her for a while, rather quite a long time. Her lovely eyes, like those of a beautiful young deer, were hypnotizing me. Truly I didn’t want to lose my eye contact with her, but she was also eagerly waiting for my response so I replied,” Good Morning to you too my dear.” I could tell by looking at her eyes, she was also sort of lost in me. Then coming back to senses, showing a sudden hurry, she bit her lower lip,” Hey I am getting late for my school.” Saying that she was about to leave, but the very next moment she turned back and waved her hand, like a free oscillation” Goodbye. See you.” I smiled broadly, revealing my teeth. Then she turned and sprinted for her school. I stood there still, the same place where I was standing. It seemed she had an everlasting effect on me. It was a pleasure to be with her and think of her. That day, in the evening, we talked on the phone, about our Durga Puja festival, which was approaching soon, probably a week. She told me about her place, Rudrapur in Uttarakhand. During her childhood, almost every year, she used to go there, to her grandma, to spend her Durga Puja Holidays. Though she was born and brought in Uttar Pradesh like me, she had a glimpse of Bengali culture and tradition in her eyes, body language, dressing sense, maintaining her extensively long hair, and many more. After all, she was a Bengali. I told her, with affection,” You know, even from a far distance you look like a Bengali.” She whispered, rather naughtily,” Ok!! And how do I look like when I am near, hmm??” I also whispered like her,” My dear Suman.” Hearing that she laughed aloud. I also accompanied her. After a little chit-chat, we said good night to each other. At night lying comfortably in my bed I was constantly thinking about her and all that happened that day. I wondered, was she still thinking about me? Had she gone to sleep? Was my dear dreaming about me? If someone asked me, were we in love, I would just say, I seriously didn’t know. Love doesn’t come knocking the door. And I don’t know when a nice friendship transforms into love. It’s all about feelings for one another, a feeling of closeness, a feeling of togetherness. But still, if I say ‘yes’ then I would say that it was simply ‘Love at First Sight’.

Never did I ever think that happiness would cost nothing, and we both will have to endure something terrible and frightening. The next day to my surprise I didn’t get to see her. She was also not taking calls or replying to texts. Though I got concerned but tried to explain my restless mind ‘She might be busy with her classes.’ But two days passed away, still no news, no information, nothing. I felt blank and helpless. I thought once, regarding the consequence if I tried to contact her roommates or her uncle she won’t like as they might take it in the wrong way. I hated such a situation. Now whom should I contact? Who will tell me about her? Someone we could trust. I remained unfocused and distracted all day. Finally, in the evening I called Rashmi, a friend of mine and Suman’s classmate to know, how was she? Is she Ok?? And what I heard from her on the phone, made my jaw fall, my soul numb,“ She was suffering from Dengue Fever, hence was rushed back to her home. She has been hospitalized” Oh my God!! Initially, I couldn’t believe my ears. I thought, No this is not possible, she can’t. No one can even dare to touch her as long as I am there beside her. But gradually I had to accept the harsh reality, she was no goddess, she was a human being, and she could also catch a disease, sometimes deadly as dengue. Rashmi had only limited knowledge, but she promised to inform me of anything she came to know about her. All this happened on the night of Panchami, and from the next day, Shashthi, the Durga Puja would begin. I felt frustrated and distressed. 

Puja for all of us, especially Bengalis, is a festival of enjoyment and happiness, not misery and suffering. During this festival, nature also seems to be full of beauty. As it occurs just after Monsoon and the rains, the crop fields of wheat and rice flutter with their harvests. Koel chirp melodiously like divine. Traditional Bengali ‘Agomoni’ songs seem to be floating in the air followed by the enchanting scent of Shiuli flower. A wildflower, Kaash Phool, probably a weed, a meter long, grows in plenty. The flower is generally put, to beautify, on a Dhaak, kind of drum beaten from only 1 side. When the wind blows they wave like boys and girls, in a band performance, waving their hands, all together, in the flow of the music. It’s a wish for everyone to wear new clothes and come out of their homes, go to various Mandaps and seek blessings from Ma Durga, who has just come back home from her in-laws. There is a sense of festivity all around.

So in such a festive mood, I realized my dear was suffering from Dengue, who knew, maybe battling for her life. All night I kept on winking and thinking about this. Can anyone tell is my Suman ok? Was she battling for her life? Did she give up? These questions were making my anxiety grow more. I couldn’t sleep that night, restlessly rolling from one corner of the bed to another, with the thought of only hers. I dreamed that we both would go out to visit various mandaps across the city as she was new to it, but everything remained undone. We were facing an unprecedented situation. The next day morning I refused to go for the offerings to Ma Durga, Pushpanjali. I felt angry with God. Why is it that they punished her like that? What wrong had she done? Finally, on Ashthami I decided to offer Pushpanjali, I prayed there for a while. The only name which came on lips was of no one else, but my dear sweetheart Suman. I, who became an atheist a few days ago, prayed for her recovery. That day I again called Rashmi, she said helplessly,” Suman is not picking up her phone. I am feeling frightened.” Don’t know how my inner voice spoke to her, in a grave voice,” Don’t worry so much. Everything’s gonna be alright. She will be fine. It’s just she might be too tired to attend any call. She needs some rest. She might be feeling dizzy, after those intense hospital treatments she might be going through. Let her take some rest, then try after some time.” On the evening the same day, I heard shocking news, which made my heart freeze. Famous film director Yash Chopra died of Dengue that day in Mumbai. He was admitted to ICU for a few days where he took his last breath. At once my focus came towards Suman. If Doctors and God couldn’t save such a great and humble man, how will they protect my darling? Will she ever return to me? That night I saw a terrible nightmare. I saw Suman’s lifeless, motionless body lying on the pyres, everyone out there sobbing at the top of their voice. I tried to control her brother, but he clung me in his arms, and I felt my shirt wet with tears, I cried too. With my overflowing and swollen eyes, I looked at Suman. She seemed like the Sleeping Beauty, still having the same sweet smile which I saw the first time, her face hadn’t lost its charm, totally unaware of the surrounding. I couldn’t bear the sight that her lifeless body was being burnt on the pyres. I forcefully broke off my sleep and got out of the bed. Now there had to be a twist in the tail.

That year it was for the first time my Durga Puja went strangely, unanticipated. I felt I got myself involved with a person so much whom I met just a couple of months ago and hardly knew much about. I asked myself,” Why am I thinking so much about her?” Lost in my thoughts and memories of what all happened in all these days, starting from the day we met till now, I didn’t notice that my phone went ringing and ringing. Hastily I took it in my hand and saw 6 missed calls from Rashmi. Though I quickly called back, I seriously felt sorry for her. She said,” Oh man, Good Morning and Shobho Navami, what were you doing so far?? I had been trying you for more than an hour. I am excited to tell you a piece of good news. Suman called me today morning.” My heart as if jumped out in happiness and excitement, when those words touched my ears. I overwhelmed, losing my breath,” Tell me, how is she? Is she recovering? When will she come back?” Rashmi, understanding my exhilaration, laughed lightly in a silly way then proceeded. I heard from her that now my dear was almost out of danger, though she was admitted in the hospital, she was under observation by good doctors at her home and intense hospital care. And she was returning within a couple of days. It was delightful good news which I had been waiting for impatiently. In a sigh of relief, I said,” Thank you, dear, I am obliged to you. Thank you so much.” “May I ask you something, if you don’t mind?” she asked. “Sure”, I replied with confidence. “Are you in love?” she inquired. I joked,“ I don’t know dear, but if it ever happened, in reality, I would like to propose you. Thank you for keeping me informed.” I could feel she felt blushed. We talked intimately for a while. She giggled,” You are very romantic, man. I hope you meet your princess, soon.” I grinned in myself,” Yeah Sure.”

The next day, on Vijayadashami, though there was a sadness around that Ma Durga was leaving, but my dear Suman also came back to me, safe and sound. I missed her every time she was away from me. I felt well pleased and a state of contentment, and wished this moment to stay with me, for a long time, probably forever. I never wanted to lose her. We met again the day after, at the same place, the park, before her school would start. Early in the morning, there was no one in there. We sat on a bench all alone in the park. We talked for a while and I told her everything, what happened all these days. There we heard only one sound at the moment, chirping of the koel, else total silence. I had brought something for her, a small present from my side, a kaash phool, which I plucked on my way. Only a Bengali can understand, what it signifies. I could see her eyes shining with amazement. Feeling overwhelmed she said,” Thank you so much, my dear, I didn’t know you cared for me so much, so sweet of you.” I took her in my arms and adored her like my baby. Then I raised her chin to look straight into her eyes. We gazed at each other mesmerizingly for some time, then gaining my confidence, I said to her,” Suman, I am madly in love with you.” At first, she looked at me sternly but gradually she melted when I ran my fingers on her cheek, eyebrows, and lips. She blushed and giggled, taking the pleasure out of whatever I was doing. Seeing her positivity I went forward and caressed below her ear then on her neck, she moaned with pleasure. I could feel her face turning red and heated up. She was breathing fast, her heart pounding even faster. Holding her breath for a second, she uttered,” You know what I love you too.” In shyness, she lowered her eyes and bit her lip. I held her face up, not to lose her eye contact. She winked in wonder. I realized myself advancing involuntarily, she leaned her head. Her lovely eyes closed, so did mine when our lips enveloped each other. This moment of bliss went on for some time. Her intensity indicated she wanted more. Seeking an opportunity I bit her lower lip. She gasped, parting her lips slightly. With that my tongue entered her mouth so did hers. Then we both held each other close for a deep, hungry and passionate lip lock exploring each and every corner as if there was no tomorrow. Well, that just turned out to be an ecstatic and heavenly experience for 2 teens, sweetly yet madly in love.

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